Dear Dr. Cary,
I am 36 and married. I met my husband in 2007 and got married in August 2008. We live in 2 different countries (about a 4 hour flight).
I was suppose to move to his country June 2009. About 1 month before I was due to leave he called to tell me it was not going to happen. He is a musician and his group signed a contract to record a CD in the capital city of his country. This city is somewhat dangerous for foreigners. He told me they would be finished in September and I can come then. I had already quit my job, sold my car, found a home for my dog and gave up my apartment. I was crushed.
Around end of June and beginning of July there were problems resulting in major delays and recording was not happening. They were to start recording again in September of course at the same time I was suppose to be there. He didn’t tell me right away someone else in the group told me because my husband was “missing” everyone was looking for him. He ended up getting drunk (he called me) he told me he thought I would finish our marriage because of this. Obviously I didn’t.
I went down to surprise him – but he was angry and happy at the same time. He tells me he is happy to see me but angry because of the danger. At this time he promised me December 1, 2009 we would be together. I went back to my parents house in my country.
Around the beginning of November more delays and due to my embarrasment I lied to my family and said I was finally going to join him. Instead I took a taxi to motel to a city located about 1.5 hours away. I stayed there until April.
More delays with the group and now it is going to be December 2010.
He has been telling me he wants to be together. He missed our 1st anniversary, and now our 2nd is approaching —- really I am waiting for the excuse this time.
I am confused….he tells me he loves me and needs me, he does call me when he has minutes on his phone. He doesn’t make a lot of money right now.
What do I do? Do I wait? Am I being played a fool? I am depressed and sad and lonely and I hate lying to my family but I am so embarrassed. I feel like I am being lied to but I don’t know what to think, also I have no one to talk to.
Please I need your help.
Long Distance Bride in Waiting
Dear ‘Long Distance Bride’,
Were you born a little simple or simply stupid? What part of I don’t FUCKIN want you don’t you understand? I got a migraine just reading your immature stupidity.
That sums it up because I cannot express what I really think.
I always ask myself how come I never found a simpleton instead of the shrewd wifes and Girlfriends who always knew where my Wallet was!!
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