Dear Dr. Cary,
I am a married woman who had a brief affair with a man 10 years younger than myself. If that’s not problem enough, the other man is an inmate in prison.
I really believe that he loves me but authorities say he was probably scamming me. I am not able to contact him at this time. What should I do to find out the truth?
To make matters even worse than that, my husband is a great man. I know that I have disrespected him beyond words but I just couldn’t help myself. We get along well enough but I’m finding more and more that he just isn’t a proper partner for me. I am left to make every decision in the entire house. We have 4 children (3 live with us still- ages range from 17-25) and the older they get the more pressure I feel to be the end-all for everyone. Besides that, my elderly mother also lives with us and depends upon me for every decision she needs to make. The mounting pressures are killing me and if that’s not enough I have a full time job, 2 part time jobs and go to school about 8 hours per week.
This is what led me to the other man. He is self-assured, knows what he wants and how to get it, can give me the desires and passion I require in a relationship and with him I can find a true partner in whom I could rely on to help with decisions instead of leaving everything in the world up to me to fix.
Please help, I’m really desperate.
Desperate in Detroit
Dear Desperate in Detroit,
So let’s put this into perspective. You banged a guy 10 years younger then you say that he is so self-assured that he is now in prison. What exactly do you think he can offer you? Life in and out of prison with all his smarts?
Get real! If are finding that you’re not attracted to your husband anymore and life is so burdensome that you need to leave for a con who will help take some of the burden off your shoulders? How’s that going to happen?
Is is the fact that this great partner and passion is so exciting because conjugal visits in prison is like having a Honeymoon every week or two when you visit him in the pen?
Running from a stable but less than exciting marriage to a resident of the pen makes about as much sense as no sense at all.
Give your head a shake honey! Forget the passion crap with Mr. Bad Boy. Maybe try communicating your needs to your Husband. If that doesn’t work out and you do leave, certainly don’t do it for the sake of the loser!
Maybe you get off on being a Martyr with all your complaints and how much pressure you have to endure.
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