Dear Dr. Cary,
He’s pushed me past my sexual limits. I’m a 28-year-old acupuncturist. I recently met, online, a guy I am actually attracted to (a rarity for me). He’s got so much going for him – he’s 29, a doctor, a sculptor, a cook, an athlete – not to mention his awesome body and obviously nimble mind. It’s too early to speak much to his character, but there is a certain poorly concealed cockiness. I know I’m interested in finding out more.
The strange thing is – he’s never had a serious relationship. He emphasizes that he is ready to meet a wife and settle down, but in the past he has gravitated towards impossible relationships (i.e., women who are married or live far away).
A few dates in, he pushed me farther than I wanted to go sexually. I made it clear where my limits were, but he blew right past them – to the point where I couldn’t stop him without ruining everything. I avoided actual sex, but just barely. Even though I am very much attracted to him, this struck some alarm bells.
After that, I’m concerned I might be losing my standing with him. I think about him all the time.
It takes me fifteen minutes to craft a text message that sounds “breezy”. I’ve never been like this before and frankly I don’t know what to do with myself!
Is it nuts to even pursue a relationship with this guy? If not – how do I establish myself as a prize to be won when (1) we’ve already gotten so close to sex and (2) I am so into him already? Is this impossible?
Does it sound to you like the damage has been done, or am I just over-analyzing?
I hope you get a chance to answer, but either way, thanks for all your sage advice!
He is a Man who uses his stature and standing to get the chicks. He comes onto you and pushes you past your normal sexual limits at this stage?
By the way what do you mean you almost had sex? How old did you say you where? I hope no heavy petting or French kissing!!
Face it he hasn’t had a serious relationship because he enjoys the chase and hunt and once conquered (or nearly in your case you) will be like a bad morning breakfast: burnt toast.
Walk and away with your panties intact and quit trying to analyze his motives as they appear to be clear to all but you.
You may want to do a little acupuncture on yourself to shock you into reality.
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