Ask Dr. Cary http://askdrcary.com Brutally Honest Advice Column with a 'TWIST'! Tue, 16 Oct 2012 20:07:57 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.1 Brutally Honest Advice Column with a 'TWIST'! Ask Dr. Cary no Brutally Honest Advice Column with a 'TWIST'! Ask Dr. Cary http://askdrcary.com/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg http://askdrcary.com TV-MA 10 examples of body language telling you to Get Lost http://askdrcary.com/10-examples-of-body-language-telling-you-to-get-lost/ http://askdrcary.com/10-examples-of-body-language-telling-you-to-get-lost/#comments Wed, 11 Jul 2012 20:34:56 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=4023 examples of body language

Is her body language telling you to get lost?

We all hear a lot about body language these days – it has become part of the popular culture. Most of us know a little bit about what it really means, but maybe in this case a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

For the single man out on the dating scene, interpreting body language when meeting new women can be fraught with difficulty and mistakes.

 

 

Here are 10 examples of body language
that just might be saying, “Hey Buddy, Get Lost.”

 

1) She crosses her arms in front of her body

Annoyed Person
This a a classic message from the body language dictionary. Essentially it means that she is protecting her self and her inner person from outside attack or interference – in this case, you. She is warding off your advances and making a barrier between the two of you. It’s probably best to move on if you see this happen.

 

2) She rests her head on her hands, or her hands on her hips

She Rests Her Head On Her Hands
If you are sitting at the bar or at a table, and she props up her chin on her hand, she is indicating to you that she is currently bored, and you are probably the cause of it. Maybe you’re not the only reason she’s about to fall asleep, but the chances of you finding out if it’s you or the place you both are in are very slim – she just doesn’t want to talk about it right now.

 

3) She leans away from you or backs up

You're In My Space
This particular gesture definitely means in body language, you’re in my space and I don’t like it. Maybe you’re a close talker by nature and everyone does this to you – in which case you’re probably immune and don’t even notice it. But chances are she’s sending a message to you that you are getting too close, and she’s not happy about it. Time to do some backing off yourself.

 

4) She is picking lint off her clothes

Interpreting Body Language
Could there be a more clear, simple message that says, you bore me, please go away now? Unless of course she happens to be plagued by a plethora of lint on that particular evening, in which case you can ignore the whole charade. No one said meeting new women would be easy.

 

5) She’s not looking at you or facing you when talking

Flirting Techniques
This is another very bold statement made completely non-verbally. She may be answering a witty question you just asked, but looking across the room at the same time. Time to try another approach with the next woman.

 

6) She’s carefully and thoroughly inspecting her fingernails

How To Tell If She Is Bored
A variation on the looking across the room tactic, she is still saying that she is not interested at the moment. IS she really that interested in her nails? Do you really want to hook up with a woman who can be that interested in her nails?

 

7) She is looking down all the time

Not Looking At Your Face When You Talk To Her
This is another variation on a theme, but it means something in addition to the lack of interest message. It means she is probably shy and reticent as well as being bored by you and your conversation. It’s time to find a more outgoing possible date at this point.

 

8) She strokes her chin when looking at you

Stroking Her Chin
Another classic piece of non-verbal communication, this means that she is sizing you up and you have probably failed the examination. If the gesture starts out with eye contact while she’s doing the stroking and changes to looking across the room or down at the floor, you’ve just been sent a double message – go away, you’re bothering me.

 

9) She narrows her eyes, or bites her lip

She Narrows Or Bites Her Lips
Responses like this to your witty and sexy banter mean that she is taking stock of the situation. They aslo probably do not forebode a positive outcome to the whole process. When combined with a bit of chin stroking, it’s a sure sign for you to move out of her way gracefully before she moves out of yours.

 

10) She is faking a smile

How To Tell If She Is Faking A Smile
This is really an ambiguous bit of body language. It could mean that she is trying to like you, or it could mean that she is trying and the effort is getting to be too much. In either case, if the fake smile is quickly replaced by the frown or straight face that it took the place of, the message is clear – meeting new women will not happen with this specific woman.

 

 

 

Overcoming Body Language Problems
 

The solution?

 

If you are a single man looking for a date, and you are getting any of these 10 examples of body language signals from women, you need all the help you can get.

Not just with body language, but with fashion, behavior, conversation, and much more.

Subscribe to our email list! Find out how to meet new women successfully.

Don’t hesitate – she’s out there waiting – and you don’t want to mess up your chance!

 

 

 

]]> http://askdrcary.com/10-examples-of-body-language-telling-you-to-get-lost/feed/ 0 Is Your Body Language Killing Your Dating Potential? Biggest Mistakes Revealed! http://askdrcary.com/is-your-body-language-killing-your-dating-potential-biggest-mistakes-revealed/ http://askdrcary.com/is-your-body-language-killing-your-dating-potential-biggest-mistakes-revealed/#comments Fri, 29 Jun 2012 17:26:54 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=3978 bad body language


Is Your Body Language Killing Your Dating Potential?
Biggest Mistakes Revealed!

Getting the attention of a beautiful woman is a challenging task in itself but achieving dating success is even more complicated.

Sometimes, you will be committing involuntary mistakes that will diminish your chances of success by showing just how nervous you really are.

Body language is an important part of successful dating and one of the advanced flirting techniques. Many people behave in a wrong way, which ultimately ruins a date.

You are probably familiar with the situation; you are saying one thing but your body is making the exact opposite statement.

 

 

Body Language and Dating: Why is It Important?

 

She will be checking your body out before you have even opened your mouth to say “hello.”

Women are very good at reading the subtle signs. She will instantly know if you are comfortable and if you are generally a confident or a truly introverted and shy person. Controlling your body language is difficult and you will often be providing the wrong type of information.

You are doing the same thing, whenever you meet a woman. You examine her appearance, the way she holds her drink, the way she smiles and runs her fingers through her hair. All of these seemingly irrelevant actions help you form an opinion about her. Well, she does the exact same thing. She will decide whether she wants to meet you again on the basis of the signal you are sending her way.

Just don’t come off as a dog in heat!

 

 

Body Language Mistakes: The Big No-Nos

 

Now that you know how important body language is in the realm of dating, you are probably wondering about the mistakes you are making.

Is your body language killing your dating potential? If you have experienced a number of failures, the answer to the previous question is most probably “yes.”

The most common mistake and the one that shows that you are not good at this game is looking at anything in the room other than her face.

Establishing eye contact can be a frightening task and you would rather inspect the floor pattern than look at her face and show her how embarrassed you really are.

You think that this is smart but it kills your dating appeal.

On the other hand, some men lean too close to a woman, when talking to her. This is supposed to speak of intimacy and the desire to become ‘closer.’ She, however, will be seeing it as intrusion. You will be getting into her personal space and she will be uncomfortable with this type of behavior.

 

List of Body Language Signs

 

Holding things in front of your body or crossing your arms indicates a degree of introversion or even passive aggression that she will be unhappy with.

Checking the time may be seen as an indication that you are bored and that you want the date to end.

Body language is a reflection of your inner cosmos. All of the insecurities will appear on the surface, even if you are trying hard to hide those.

The way you speak, the way you lean towards or away from her, the way you rest your hands on your head and the way in which you look at her will all tell her something that you would rather keep a secret.



Overcoming Body Language Problems

 

 

Is your body language killing
your dating potential?
Unless you are a dating guru
or Brad Pitt, it most probably is.

 

The solution?

 

Join our email list for more information about proper dating behavior and the critical mistakes that men commit during dates and their encounters with women.

You can improve at this game, as long as you are willing to learn and follow the advice of men who have already been in your shoes and who have managed to come up with an adequate solution on the basis of experience and knowledge!

 

]]> http://askdrcary.com/is-your-body-language-killing-your-dating-potential-biggest-mistakes-revealed/feed/ 0 How that First Second Of Meeting Someone New Can Affect A Date http://askdrcary.com/how-that-first-second-of-meeting-someone-new-can-affect-a-date/ http://askdrcary.com/how-that-first-second-of-meeting-someone-new-can-affect-a-date/#comments Sat, 16 Jun 2012 23:24:52 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=3911 How that First Second Of Meeting Someone New Can Affect A Date

How that first second of meeting someone new can affect a date.

That first second of meeting someone new is the most challenging and important time there is in first meeting a person. The reason this is true is because starting with that first second they will begin forming an opinion of you and that opinion is going to go in either a positive direction or a negative one, this is both good news and bad news.

First second of meeting someone new

The good news is that when you learn what to do to make a good first impression you will dramatically increase the odds of success. However, the bad new is that even if it starts off being positive at first, it can turn bad quickly and be almost impossible to recover from, unless you learn how to prepare yourself for long-term dating success.

How to prepare yourself for long-term dating success

 

Most men fail time and time again at dating mainly because they under estimate the importance of that first second of meeting someone new and as a result of this lack of knowledge and understanding, they make a bad first impression and end up never getting a second chance.

Many men have a bad habit of talking too much about their past conquests or their most favorite relationship. Or they talk about themselves instead of listening to ultimately what you r date is talking about. Most women like good listeners and most men don’t know when to shut the fuck up.

How to be a good listener

Most women have a good idea of what type of man can capture their attention or hold their interest long enough for them to want to continue seeing them. Like wise they also know what kind of man is an immediate turn off to them and this is why it is very important to learn more about what women like in a man and what they do not like.

In my experience most women – whether shallow or with great depth are attracted to a man who is well-groomed (Ie: showered after the romp in the hay last night), well dressed – and – women love mens shoes! Shoes are an aphrodisiac to women. Dress appropriate. If you have a good physique – flaunt it in a bad boy way. Most women desire a bad boy in bed.

Show off your good physique

 

For example, how important is what you wear, to her ? Is she going to be turned off if you did not shave that day ? Is she looking for someone that is a fancy dresser ? Is it important that you are friendly and out going ? or would she be more attracted to a confident, goal oriented type of guy ?

These are just a few of the things that should be considered so that you can put the odds in your favor during that first second of meeting someone new. After all, the goal of going through the trouble and effort of meeting someone new is to be able to connect with them. (Or ultimately get laid or at least a good blowjob of course)! You can refer to my video on YouTube about How to give a good blowjob.

How to give a good blowjob

Because women have soo many men trying to get their attention, they do not want to spend time getting to know a guy if he does not already know how to make a good first impression. When she does get a good first impression, that can help her overlook any other minor faults that she may find in you.

The true is that we all have are problems and short comings (don’t talk about your four inch dick – she’ll find that out on the second date) so we need to do everything that we can to put our best foot forward. This way we can increase are chances of making a good and lasting connection.

How to make a good and lasting connection

 

Make sure that you come across confident. Not cocky but confident and self assured. Most women like that stronger male image and I believe it’s important that you let her know from the get-go that what she sees – is what she gets. (Otherwise fuck her)!

 

If you think the time or situation is appropriate you can throw in a couple of sexual innuendos. You can tell by how she responds to you whether or not you’re able to do that with her.

When you know what it takes to make a good first impression in that first second of meeting someone new, then you will be able to confidently approach women and improve your dating success.

Come across as a confident man

To get more information that will help you improve your dating knowledge, join our Free email list and look forward to more great dating advice.

 

 

How that First Second Of Meeting Someone New Can Affect A Date

 

]]> http://askdrcary.com/how-that-first-second-of-meeting-someone-new-can-affect-a-date/feed/ 0 5 Hardest Things About Meeting New Women http://askdrcary.com/5-hardest-things-about-meeting-new-women/ http://askdrcary.com/5-hardest-things-about-meeting-new-women/#comments Sat, 09 Jun 2012 19:42:18 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=3878 how to meet women

For the typical, ordinary single guy, meeting new women can be a hazardous operation. These days, there are so many new obstacles to hooking up with potential females that the old ones tend to be forgotten – but they are still the hardest to overcome.

Modern problems with meeting new women include how honest to be in online profiles, how to get together in real time without sounding too pushy, and so on.

 

 

Many Men have difficulty with classic areas of relationships
and these don’t really go away
you have to learn to deal with them
and to grow as a person.

THESE are the

5 Hardest Things About Meeting New Women

 

 

 

 

 
1. A Case Of The Nerves

I Am Terrified Of Approaching WomenSweaty palms, awkward pauses in the conversation, stammering, and gestures that start to get weird – these are just some of the outward manifestations of being nervous. When you are in a situation that promotes meeting new women, you tend to freeze up because you are so nervous you can’t be natural and normal.

Lacking Confidence Around WomenSome men have such a bad case of the nerves that they never get past the introduction stage without feeling like they’re starting with a handicap – and that never helps in successful dating. Best thing I’ve found is to jerk off before your date to ease the tension.

 

2 Self-Consciousness Strikes Again

People are extremely image-aware in these modern times. It seems that we expect everyone to be above average and look like a fashion model. Typical characteristics of the self-conscious man are that you think your hair is all wrong, that your skin isn’t as tan and healthy as it should be, that you should work out more to look hunkier, that you’re too fat or too skinny, that your teeth aren’t white enough, and so on.

When you meet a new woman and all you can think about is yourself, you’re going to have a hard time getting through to her. Forget about yourself – (unless you haven’t showered for the last week). Focus on meeting her eyes straight on without looking elsewhere then give her that complete once-over with that self-assured manner.

 

3 Saying The Wrong Thing

I'm Afraid Of Saying The Wrong ThingIt is truly amazing, the range of stupid things that can come out of a guy’s mouth when he’s meeting a woman for the first time. The combination of nervousness and self-consciousness can lead to some real mistakes in communication, to say the least. If you’ve ever used a tired old line like do you come here often, or tried to say something nice that comes out sounding inappropriate or dumb, or bragged about yourself in a macho way, then you’ve experienced the big turn off.

I'm Afraid Of Doing The Wrong Things Around Women

What women like in men are those who are good with words, and can stay focused on what’s happening when the talk is flowing. And that takes practice. Tell her what she sees is what she gets. This will show her self-confidence. Hopefully she likes who you are. If she doesn’t like what she sees – Oh well – there’s a 1000 other women out there who will. Just let her know it’s okay if she doesn’t like what she sees. what she sees is what she gets. No game playin

 

4 Doing The Wrong Thing

Actions speak louder than words, so they say, and this applies multiplied by a hundred when you’re a man meeting new women. Your body language can speak volumes about you that may be the wrong message, so you need to learn how you are coming off non-verbally. And you can make the wrong gesture at the wrong time, like buying and presenting a gift or asking for a date before you’ve gotten to the right time.

Your whole body language with a comfortable swagger will come off as a man who is comfortable in his own skin. You don’t want to come off as a little dog begging for scraps at the table. You want her to see you as a mountain of strength.

 

5 Fear Of Rejection

I Have A Fear Of Rejection Around WomenLet’s say you have overcome your severe case of the nerves, you’ve conquered your self-consciousness, and you have learned how to say and do the right things when you are meeting women. There is a point in the process where you simply have to take the leap and ask for a date. One of the hardest things that men have to deal with is following through, because they are afraid the answer will be no.

How Do I Know If I Am Pleasing My Girlfriend Sexually?All the advice in the world won’t help if you can’t risk rejection and you never ask the all-important question – would you like to have dinner with me? Be direct & let her know what you want and that it’s okay if she’s not yet comfortable with what you want.

 

So now that you know the 5 Hardest Things About Meeting New Women

 

It Is Time To

Do Something About It!

Join our email list and be on your way to entering the dating world once more.

Finding women to date is hard for many guys who have busy schedules. But there is a great technique for finding lots of available women.

If you are a single man who has experienced any or all of these difficulties when meeting new women, you could use some help. There are men out there who have worked out many different ways to deal with these problems, and by joining our email list, you can get help and start feeling confident about meeting new women.

]]> http://askdrcary.com/5-hardest-things-about-meeting-new-women/feed/ 0 The 7 Reasons Men Have Trouble Finding Women To Date http://askdrcary.com/the-7-reasons-men-have-trouble-finding-women-to-date/ http://askdrcary.com/the-7-reasons-men-have-trouble-finding-women-to-date/#comments Tue, 05 Jun 2012 15:04:23 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=3827 how to get a date

If the dating world is leaving you behind, feeling alone and hopeless, understanding these 7 reasons men have trouble finding women to date will get you back in the romance department in no time. Fear of rejection is the greatest inhibitor to finding a woman to date.

Before looking at what is wrong, let’s first look at what is right.

Humans weren’t meant to be alone and there is a relationship waiting for you right at this moment.

Not being able to find a date isn’t about a problem with you, it is a problem with how you are presenting yourself to the dating world.

If you are feeling like a loser, doing the same routines every day and spending time with the same friends, you are not alone.

Many men find themselves going to work, coming home, having a beer, watching TV and throwing on a little porn & exercising their left or right hand and getting up the next morning to do it all over again. How can love find you when you aren’t making yourself available to a potential mate?

 

So let’s look at the

7 Reasons Men Have Trouble

Finding Women To Date

 

so you can take action today to change those old habits.

 

 

1. They Spend Free Time At Home

7 Reasons Men Have Trouble Finding Women To Date

If you think like a loser you will think of yourself as a loser & consequently you will behave like a loser.

Love certainly cannot find you when you are behind closed doors each and every day. The time is now to make yourself available to a potential partner, and you will need to step outside of your home to do so.

Hit the best dance clubs, busy coffee shops and all venues that are dominated by women, and events that are dominated by women.

2. They Have No Hobbies

I just don't have any hobbies

If your free time is spent alone, watching TV, love can never find you. Get involved in outside activities that will help you meet women with similar interests, which is a great starting point for a new relationship.

Find hobbies that women like and gravitate to those – rollerblakding yoga bootcamp – Hot yoga – nothing better than seeing a tightie is dripping wet after an hour of hot yoga. You’ll fee like dumping a load of hot yogurt.

 

3. They Lack Self Confidence

If you lack self confidence you need to try the Dr’s notch the belt technique – walk into a club ask 40 women to go home and have sex with you you’lll likely get 35 slapping you telling you to fuck off – but law of averages says that at least one will go home with you and if you’re lucky – two

Perhaps you are social and are out in the world quite often, but you cannot find the courage to start conversation with a woman you are attracted to. You will have to work on building your confidence once more and to not take rejection personally. It takes many attempts before finding someone you are compatible with.

4. They Hang Out With The Same Friends

Though it is great to have friends, if you all do the same activities and routines every weekend, you aren’t making yourself accessible to a potential partner. Hang out with guy friends who have the technique already – who are eye candy to girls. You’ll be lucky to get their leftovers.

 

5. They Work Too Much

Tips For Finding Women

Though everyone must earn a living, you need to make sure you set time aside to have a social life. It isn’t healthy, mentally or physically, to work around the clock. Take time out for yourself and leave the work alone. Nothing wrong with working hard & making a living but all work & no play doesn’t leave with you with a hardon.

6. They Spend Social Time With Friends Who Already Have Relationships

Of course you should not avoid good friends who have found love, but if all of your free time is spent with couples or a friend who is no longer in the dating scene, it can be hard to meet someone new. Spend time with all types of friends – those with relationships and those who are single.

That’s okay – but make sure you ask your friends who are in a relationship to set you up with single women from their circle of work, volunteering, the gym, wherever.

 

7. They Think Friends Cannot Become Lovers

Sometimes love is right in front of a man’s eyes, yet he doesn’t see it. The best relationships long-term are those where a couple consider themselves friends. Some men focus on the initial physical attraction, but are left wanting more than that, so they feel unfulfilled. Consider dating someone you consider a friend instead of pursuing a stranger.

How To Find A Date

 

So now that you know the top 7 reasons men have trouble finding women to date

 

It Is Time To

Do Something About It!

Join our email list and be on your way to entering the dating world once more.

Finding women to date is hard for many guys who have busy schedules. But there is a great technique for finding lots of available women.

Do have any of these same problems? Ask Your Question in the Comments Below!

]]> http://askdrcary.com/the-7-reasons-men-have-trouble-finding-women-to-date/feed/ 0 My new husband keeps delaying my move to join him http://askdrcary.com/my-new-husband-keeps-delaying-my-move-to-join-him/ http://askdrcary.com/my-new-husband-keeps-delaying-my-move-to-join-him/#comments Thu, 15 Mar 2012 12:57:03 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=3057 Post image for My new husband keeps delaying my move to join him

Dear Dr. Cary,

I am 36 and married. I met my husband in 2007 and got married in August 2008. We live in 2 different countries (about a 4 hour flight).

I was suppose to move to his country June 2009. About 1 month before I was due to leave he called to tell me it was not going to happen. He is a musician and his group signed a contract to record a CD in the capital city of his country. This city is somewhat dangerous for foreigners. He told me they would be finished in September and I can come then. I had already quit my job, sold my car, found a home for my dog and gave up my apartment. I was crushed.

Around end of June and beginning of July there were problems resulting in major delays and recording was not happening. They were to start recording again in September of course at the same time I was suppose to be there. He didn’t tell me right away someone else in the group told me because my husband was “missing” everyone was looking for him. He ended up getting drunk (he called me) he told me he thought I would finish our marriage because of this. Obviously I didn’t.

I went down to surprise him – but he was angry and happy at the same time. He tells me he is happy to see me but angry because of the danger. At this time he promised me December 1, 2009 we would be together. I went back to my parents house in my country.

Around the beginning of November more delays and due to my embarrasment I lied to my family and said I was finally going to join him.  Instead I took a taxi to motel to a city located about 1.5 hours away. I stayed there until April.

More delays with the group and now it is going to be December 2010.

He has been telling me he wants to be together. He missed our 1st anniversary, and now our 2nd is approaching —- really I am waiting for the excuse this time.

I am confused….he tells me he loves me and needs me, he does call me when he has minutes on his phone. He doesn’t make a lot of money right now.

What do I do? Do I wait? Am I being played a fool? I am depressed and sad and lonely and I hate lying to my family but I am so embarrassed. I feel like I am being lied to but I don’t know what to think, also I have no one to talk to.

Please I need your help.

Long Distance Bride in Waiting

 

Dear ‘Long Distance Bride’,

Were you born a little simple or simply stupid?  What part of I don’t FUCKIN want you don’t you understand?  I got a migraine just reading your immature stupidity.

That sums it up because I cannot express what I really think.

I always ask myself how come I never found a simpleton instead of the shrewd wifes and Girlfriends who always knew where my Wallet was!!

Sincerely Yours,
Dr. Cary

   To ‘Ask Dr. Cary’ your question click here

 

 

 

]]> http://askdrcary.com/my-new-husband-keeps-delaying-my-move-to-join-him/feed/ 0 I envy transexuals and wear women’s panties http://askdrcary.com/i-envy-transexuals-and-wear-womens-panties/ http://askdrcary.com/i-envy-transexuals-and-wear-womens-panties/#comments Wed, 14 Mar 2012 12:55:19 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=3067 Post image for I envy transexuals and wear women’s panties

Dear Dr. Cary,

I envy transexuals and wear women’s panties.  I am a 40 year old male, and I wear womens panties quite often. My wife knows about it.  In fact, occasionally she will buy me a pair. But there is more to it. See, I like to look at Transexuals (M to F) a lot. I like to see them dressed in panties as well as in sexual situations. Part of me gets excited when I see that stuff, and part of me feels guilty.

In some ways I also feel that Transexuals are lucky as well as Brave. They get to live their lives on their terms, dress the way they like to, and they seem to be generally happy. I guess what I am trying to say is that they live their lives on the outside the way I feel on the inside. I love my wife dearly, but some times I wish I could spend sometime in their shoes. What does this mean? Is my sexuality in question?

Sincerely,
Majorly Confused

 

Dear Majorly Confused,

Duh, what do you think? Forget about spending time in their shoes.  What you’re really trying to say is that you want to spend time in their panties!

When did this behavior begin? Was it after you were married or have you always she been attracted to this lifestyle.

I am a bit stumped that your wife goes along with this, although I suppose you’re lucky that she accepts your sexuality.  Make sure she buys you the sexy panties and not those Wal-Mart Bubo ones.

What is preventing you from coming out? Your job, social standing or just plain fear? If you did come out would your wife go along with you or would you be out on your ass? Yes, your sexuality is in question and in fact it’s not even a question.  Accept who you are and how you want to live your life because we only have one kick at the cat (pussy) and you better to be happy with who you are rather than regret it. Keep me informed.

Sincerely Yours,
Dr. Cary

  To ‘Ask Dr. Cary’ your question click here

 

]]> http://askdrcary.com/i-envy-transexuals-and-wear-womens-panties/feed/ 0 I’ve fallen in love with a soldier I met online http://askdrcary.com/ive-fallen-in-love-with-a-soldier-i-met-online/ http://askdrcary.com/ive-fallen-in-love-with-a-soldier-i-met-online/#comments Tue, 13 Mar 2012 20:00:27 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=3074 Post image for I’ve fallen in love with a soldier I met online

Dear Dr. Cary,

I’ve fallen in love with a soldier I met online.  I have been in some of the worst relationships in the past and now this one, (which is a long distance relationship) seems like it’s the one!!

I met this guy 4 1/2 months ago online and we just hit it off!  Everything went so perfectly. I found out he is deployed in Afghanistan right now but will soon be home. We would talk almost everyday whether it be a phone call or email.  Then on Christmas day he told me he loved me.  I was ecstatic because I have fallen in love with him also – BUT it seems like things have slowed down.

I no longer talk to him as much as I did in the beginning so I started getting doubts.  I told him about the way I felt several times.  He has explained himself to me each time however, for some reason I just can’t help but question him.  I’m worried that if this IS the real thing I might be pushing him away.  It upsets him that I have doubts.

What do I do before I ruin the best thing thats ever happend to me????

Nicole in Knoxville

 

Dear Nicole,

You said that you met him online, but have you actually met him in person? Long distance relationships often start out exciting because you want each other but you can’t see one another very often. In your case, you need to understand that your guy is in a War Zone and may possibly be in harm’s way going through major stress. I would wait until he comes home and you really have a chance to know one another in a normal life setting.  (Assuming he is still interested). There is nothing you can do now. Try communicating your concerns but tread very gently.

Ah yes women always fall for the uniform. Let me know if it materializes into what you’re hoping for.

Sincerely Yours,
Dr. Cary

 

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]]> http://askdrcary.com/ive-fallen-in-love-with-a-soldier-i-met-online/feed/ 0 He’s pushed me past my sexual limits http://askdrcary.com/hes-pushed-me-past-my-sexual-limits/ http://askdrcary.com/hes-pushed-me-past-my-sexual-limits/#comments Mon, 12 Mar 2012 20:00:25 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=3078 He's pushed me past my sexual limits

Dear Dr. Cary,

He’s pushed me past my sexual limits.  I’m a 28-year-old acupuncturist. I recently met, online, a guy I am actually attracted to (a rarity for me). He’s got so much going for him – he’s 29, a doctor, a sculptor, a cook, an athlete – not to mention his awesome body and obviously nimble mind. It’s too early to speak much to his character, but there is a certain poorly concealed cockiness. I know I’m interested in finding out more.

The strange thing is – he’s never had a serious relationship. He emphasizes that he is ready to meet a wife and settle down, but in the past he has gravitated towards impossible relationships (i.e., women who are married or live far away).

A few dates in, he pushed me farther than I wanted to go sexually. I made it clear where my limits were, but he blew right past them – to the point where I couldn’t stop him without ruining everything. I avoided actual sex, but just barely. Even though I am very much attracted to him, this struck some alarm bells.

After that, I’m concerned I might be losing my standing with him. I think about him all the time.
It takes me fifteen minutes to craft a text message that sounds “breezy”. I’ve never been like this before and frankly I don’t know what to do with myself!

Is it nuts to even pursue a relationship with this guy? If not – how do I establish myself as a prize to be won when (1) we’ve already gotten so close to sex and (2) I am so into him already? Is this impossible?

Does it sound to you like the damage has been done, or am I just over-analyzing?

I hope you get a chance to answer, but either way, thanks for all your sage advice!

Sincerely Worried

 

Dear Worried,

He is a Man who uses his stature and standing to get the chicks. He comes onto you and pushes you past your normal sexual limits at this stage?

By the way what do you mean you almost had sex? How old did you say you where? I hope no heavy petting or French kissing!!

Face it he hasn’t had a serious relationship because he enjoys the chase and hunt and once conquered (or nearly in your case you) will be like a bad morning breakfast: burnt toast.

Walk and away with your panties intact and quit trying to analyze his motives as they appear to be clear to all but you.

You may want to do a little acupuncture on yourself to shock you into reality.

Sincerely Yours,
Dr. Cary

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]]> http://askdrcary.com/hes-pushed-me-past-my-sexual-limits/feed/ 0 I’m a married woman who’s fallen for a bad boy in the Pen http://askdrcary.com/im-a-married-woman-whos-fallen-for-a-bad-boy-in-the-pen/ http://askdrcary.com/im-a-married-woman-whos-fallen-for-a-bad-boy-in-the-pen/#comments Mon, 12 Mar 2012 13:10:00 +0000 Dr Cary http://askdrcary.com/?p=3080 I'm a married woman who's fallen for a bad boy in the pen

Dear Dr. Cary,

I am a married woman who had a brief affair with a man 10 years younger than myself.  If that’s not problem enough, the other man is an inmate in prison.

I really believe that he loves me but authorities say he was probably scamming me. I am not able to contact him at this time. What should I do to find out the truth?

To make matters even worse than that, my husband is a great man. I know that I have disrespected him beyond words but I just couldn’t help myself. We get along well enough but I’m finding more and more that he just isn’t a proper partner for me. I am left to make every decision in the entire house. We have 4 children (3 live with us still- ages range from 17-25) and the older they get the more pressure I feel to be the end-all for everyone. Besides that, my elderly mother also lives with us and depends upon me for every decision she needs to make. The mounting pressures are killing me and if that’s not enough I have a full time job, 2 part time jobs and go to school about 8 hours per week.

This is what led me to the other man. He is self-assured, knows what he wants and how to get it, can give me the desires and passion I require in a relationship and with him I can find a true partner in whom I could rely on to help with decisions instead of leaving everything in the world up to me to fix.

Please help, I’m really desperate.

Desperate in Detroit

 

Dear Desperate in Detroit,

So let’s put this into perspective. You banged a guy 10 years younger then you say that he is so self-assured that he is now in prison.  What exactly do you think he can offer you?  Life in and out of prison with all his smarts?

Get real!  If are finding that you’re not attracted to your husband anymore and life is so burdensome that you need to leave for a con who will help take some of the burden off your shoulders?  How’s that going to happen?

Is is the fact that this great partner and passion is so exciting because conjugal visits in prison is like having a Honeymoon every week or two when you visit him in the pen?

Running from a stable but less than exciting marriage to a resident of the pen makes about as much sense as no sense at all.

Give your head a shake honey!  Forget the passion crap with Mr. Bad Boy.  Maybe try communicating your needs to your Husband.  If that doesn’t work out and you do leave, certainly don’t do it for the sake of the loser!

Maybe you get off on being a Martyr with all your complaints and how much pressure you have to endure.

Sincerely Yours,
Dr. Cary

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