Dear Dr. Cary,
I would like advice on how to make a marriage work. My boyfriend of a year proposed to me recently. I actually already said yes (I was thrilled!), but it came to me that a lot of my friends who were thrilled when they got married years ago aren’t so thrilled anymore. I love Jeff and I’m sure we could have a great life together-but I’m completely overwhelmed at the idea of planning our future together. What advice can you give us on marriage planning so we don’t end up like some of our friends?”
All relationships whether married or in a committed relationship for any length of time needs nurturing - just like keeping a plant alive by giving it light and water. You need to give each other space to have your own friends and hobbies and to pursue things that are important to one another. At the same time it’s important to constantly communicate your feelings, both positive and negative, make sure you are still sexy to one another by having a date night. Try a theme suite romantic weekend at a hotel with toys etc.
The biggest reason relationships deteriorate is usually over lack of communication , money or of course infidelity which wouldn’t be a problem in the first place if you take care of each other mentally and physically.
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